I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
