I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
