how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
