You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
