I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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