Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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