Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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