An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
