Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
