I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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