I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
