Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
