Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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