ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
