before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize