It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
