Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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