Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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