Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
