After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
