Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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