Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
