don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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