I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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