So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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