nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
