remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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