I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
