I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
