You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
