went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
