I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
