i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
