she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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