I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
