it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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