She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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