she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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