i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
