guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
