Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
