We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
