escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
