wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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