when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
