I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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