You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
