I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
