didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
