i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
