Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
