I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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