I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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