Can i not drive my cunt home
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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