i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
