I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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