my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
