For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
