While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
