Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
