Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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