You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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