Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
