mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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