I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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