Even the bartender felt bad for me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
