Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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